Today’s blog post is a personal post…
Two months ago, I went through a breakup. It came right after my mom was rushed to the hospital in life-threatening condition and it was with someone who I thought was “the one”, someone who I had an amazing connection with, and someone who also was a huge part of my life. I delayed this blog post for a while now, hesitating whether or not to post it.
Every breakup is tough and difficult to live with at first. I experienced it so many times and saw my friends going through the same; it sucks. I decided to share with you how I see it and how to deal with it from my own experiences. It might help you if you’re going through the same thing right now.
Here are my tips on how to get over a breakup:
Focus on yourself
What I love about being single is the extra free time I have now! Now is the time to take advantage of that. Do what you always wanted to do. Watch more tv shows, read more books, start a new hobby, make new friends, focus on your job or put all the extra time into getting your dream job.
Do what makes you happy! Travel by yourself, take more care of yourself and your body by working out and eating healthier. Get your revenge body!
You have to. Otherwise, it’s easy to go back into the relationship or to torture yourself seeing what your ex is up to. It sucks that a boyfriend or girlfriend is a close person in your life that you share your emotions, your body and your fears every day with and suddenly, they become a total stranger to you.
They disappear, they are basically dead to you and they now belong to your past. It sucks but we have to accept this; it wasn’t meant to be and now you have to delete that person from your life and from social media in order to move on (to the next one!).
Don’t jump into another relationship
I’m guilty of doing this. I was jumping from one relationship to another because I was afraid to be alone and was searching for someone to fill the void inside of me. With my last breakup, all I want is to be alone for a while and work on myself so I can fill the empty void and be happy with myself. I know this way, I’ll attract a healthy relationship.
So many people can’t stand being alone so they jump right after into another relationship. By doing so, you don’t deal with your emotions from the last relationship; you don’t get over your ex properly and you bring all the baggage from your previous relationship into the new one. Not the best way to start a new relationship.
Also, wait to date again or to go on Tinder. If you don’t become a better version of yourself, you’re just going to attract breadcrumbs. You want to attract the fresh-baked and mouth-watering artisan bread.
That’s what you want to attract, the right guy for you, you need to spend time with yourself, be comfortable and happy with yourself so your vibe and energy will attract the same level. Best you = best boyfriend ever.
What do you want? and are your needs being met?
One time I was dating this guy who was slowly getting out of the relationship and ghosted me. I didn’t feel good at all, seeing someone slipping right in front of you sucks. I was sad and overwhelmed with thoughts like: “what did I do?”, “what if…”, “Why is he not interested in me anymore?” ,“WHYYYY?”, “what is he doing?”, “will he come back?”….
I was confessing this confusing moment in my life to a friend and he told me: “Stop thinking about what he said, what he wants and what he thinks. Think about YOU, what do YOU want? How do YOU feel?
If it’s not what you want and you feel like crap, then move on! You’re not happy and your needs are not being met. My eyes opened, and I realized how I was focusing on the guy and not on me and my needs! It’s easier to move on when you admit to yourself that the person doesn’t meet your needs.
Don’t regret the relationship
When I was younger, I thought every failed relationship was a huge waste of my time depending how long the relationship lasted. With time, I understood that every relationship is in your life for a reason. They teach you a lesson and they give you life experiences. If you analyze your last relationships, you can see that the person you attracted in your life reflected yourself or a part of yourself that you needed to see and work on. With every relationship, we grow.
Keep hoping. I know that one day I will meet “The one” and I’ll be grateful I went through a bunch of crappy relationships and heartbreaks to be with this person and it will all be worth it. If you keep hoping, that person will come in your life when you least expect it. It can take time, but he’s on his way.
They always get better
All boyfriends get better. How many times did I stay in a relationship because I was afraid that I wouldn’t get better? Too many times! If I go over my relationship history, I can see that every boyfriend got better one after the other. I believe that in life, things always get better and not the opposite.
Don’t compare your newly single life with all those girls getting engaged or getting married on social media
I know it’s hard but don’t. Everyone has a different path. They are at that stage in their life where they get married and make babies. Good for them. We don’t meet our soulmate at the same time in our lives. And what’s worse than marrying and having a baby with the wrong person!
So by now, you probably dodged a bunch of bullets and that’s a great thing. The universe is sending you in the right direction, believe in that. Your time will come, just take the extra time right now (so many people in relationships wish they were single again just to do the f**k they want!) to have fun and to achieve what YOU want!
Photography: Katerine Photographe